By Ben Waters

Interviewed by Lor (Priya) Kennedy

From the very first Swami Sunday I stumbled into, I knew. I had found the most important part of my life. Swami Sunday is the place where I began to find my Self. It’s where I got to know Gurudevi. If it were offered every day, I would be there. Outside of living at the Ashram, Swami Sunday is how I can spend time with Gurudevi Nirmalananda every week. 

I really didn’t know what I was looking for 10 years ago. I didn’t have a clue what a Guru was. In the beginning, I just watched her. I knew I wanted to give everything to this person, to give her my life. But I questioned why I felt that way — wasn’t she just another human being? 

In the past, she’s been everything to me, but she continues to be even more. My relationship with her and my understanding of who she is continues to unfold. Now I have a relationship with her on the inside too. At first, there was a duality, but now I am realizing, she is no different than me. She is my Self. In meditation, when I repeat mantra, there is nothing but her form. 

One of the things that brought me to spiritual practice was a crippling social anxiety. Serving as emcee for Swami Sunday was intimidating at first. My voice would crack and shake. I didn’t want to screw up and disappoint Gurudevi. 

Then I realized it wasn’t about me whatsoever. I was one of the many people Gurudevi uses as a link between her and others. Often, when I share my personal story, it’s in alignment with her talk that day. I’m trusting that it’s really not about me — it’s all taken care of. Being able to serve her this way is incredible. It’s a little part I can do to give back.

How was I blessed to find a Shaktipat Guru and have this relationship with her? My karma in this life has been tough. But if I had to go through all that to get to her, it was worth it. 

One easy way to tell if your meditation was truly meditation – regardless of what happened during your meditation, when you open your eyes do you feel different? 

Washed clean, rested, refreshed. Settled – meaning centered, free from anxiety, serene. 

Perhaps your breath is…  

—  Gurudevi Nirmalananda

From Gurudevi’s full discourse “Inner Experiences”

By Gurudevi Nirmalananda

How do you know you’re really meditating? The different inner experiences you may have can be confusing.

If your mind becomes still, you might wonder if maybe something should be happening. And if something happens, like inner lights or visions, you may think you’re imagining it or making it up.

If you delve deeper than your mind, a meditative immersion into the deeper dimensions within, you might think you fell asleep. But if your mind is busy, you might conclude you’re not meditating.

If you get insights into the nature of Consciousness or inner answers to life situations, you might conclude that you were thinking the whole time. But if you don’t get any inner insights, and all you did was repeat mantra the whole time, was it merely a waste of time?

So many questions!

There is one answer to all these questions. One easy way to tell if your meditation was truly meditation, regardless of what happened during your meditation – when you open your eyes, do you feel different?

Washed clean, rested, refreshed? Settled, meaning centered, free from anxiety, serene. Your breath is more open. Your peripheral vision may have expanded. You may feel you had stepped out of time, into the timelessness of your own Beingness. Yes, you meditated.

How long does it take to get there?

A minute. Less, actually. For your own Self is right here, right now, in you, being you. Closer than your breath. More intimate than your mind. Present within your own presence, Consciousness being you…

By Gurudevi Nirmalananda

You must develop your intuition, but for different reasons than you suppose. Intuition is the inner knowing by which you know your own Self. It’s called in-sight. However, using intuition for external things sabotages your spiritual progress.

The siddhis (subtle powers) are inner obstacles in the way of samadhi, though considered to be attainments by those with outward-turned minds.

Te samadhav-upasarga vyutthane siddhayah. — Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras 3.38

Siddhis are subtle powers, meaning they are the subtle level of your sensory abilities. When you see a tiger in a dream, you are having a visual experience while your eyes are closed. This happens through your inner power of seeing. Maybe you don’t really see the tiger or other phenomena, but you have a sense of its presence. Similarly, you may say, “I see” when you mean you understand.

When you intuit something, it means you know it without having an external source for your knowledge. You just know. This knowing is the goal of spiritual practice, that you know your own Self without thinking, without theorizing, without belief or faith, without praying or repeating mantra. You just know.

This is the original meaning of the word “intuit.” It comes from English in the 1400s, meaning spiritual insight or immediate spiritual communication. The Latin root, intuitio, means the act of contemplating. All this is very yogic. It’s about insight, the ability to see inward.

There is another type of intuition. This is when you “just know” about external things, like what’s going to happen next, or who is thinking of you, or the closest parking space, or which road to take to avoid traffic. It’s called your “sixth sense.” Don’t do it. Just don’t.

When you apply your subtle knowing to mundane things, you don’t get any deeper spiritually. You won’t get enlightened. And you’ll create terrible karma for yourself. It is a double whammy…

That’s because yoga meets you where you’re at.  And if you’re having any trouble with it, if you’re experiencing pain, it’s because yoga is excavating, digging up your own patterns to clear them away and free you from them.  In a pose, Svaroopa® Yoga may get into some gnarly stuff. But it’s merely finding what was there and would be causing…

— Gurudevi Nirmalananda

From Gurudevi’s full discourse “Sensory Pleasures“

By Gurudevi Nirmalananda

The first time you chant Shree Guru Gita can be a powerful experience, whether it’s due to the beauty and power of the chant or because your tongue can’t quite wrap itself around the Sanskrit syllables.

You have options about how to participate:

Close your eyes and listen, coasting on the Shakti (energy).

Open your eyes and follow along with the Sanskrit.

Read the English silently while the group is chanting the Sanskrit.

Mouth the Sanskrit words silently, or even breathe into them.

Chant quietly, even if your chanting isn’t perfect.

Open your mouth and sing along, even perhaps using a finger to track each word!

Beyond your experience of the chant itself, notice what the chant does for you. Your “Marker Pose” is your state before and after the chant: what is the condition of your body, breath, mind, and heart?

How do you feel within yourself — at what depth are you sitting within? By assessing these changes, you can determine the value of this practice for yourself.

Excerpt from Yoga’s Sacred Songs, page 149

This is how you use your senses. You get them running around outside — looking this way, looking that way, listening to the sounds, aware of smells as well as the temperature of the air around you. It’s like your senses are roaming out there looking for something that…

— Gurudevi Nirmalananda

From Gurudevi’s full discourse “Your Ten Senses“