By Kristine Curran, interviewed by Lori (Priya) Kenney
I knew the Meditation Club would hold me to practicing at the same time every day. That’s why I joined. It’s been tapas; it’s been hard. I knew it would be. And I’m realizing the Meditation Club is chipping away at my resistance in unexpected ways.
Every meditation is different. The other day, I noticed I was getting pain, which is normal for me. Usually it’s just one place. But everything that has ever hurt started hurting. It was like a multicolored strobe light — this hurts, that hurts, in rapid succession. I was able to simply observe the pain without getting caught up in it or judging it. I realized that Kundalini was just doing her work. Usually I get quite fidgety. That didn’t happen.
I have been hitting a lot of my “stuff.” In the last week, I’ve done three Vichara (guided self-inquiry) sessions. They have felt deeper than usual. Meditation Club is helping me get into these deeper inner levels, supporting deeper Vichara results.
I can feel the shakti when meditating with the Meditation Club group. I am grateful to be getting more support than when I’m meditating alone. With everyone’s support, I can sit for an hour without getting too antsy, which deepens my practice.
About two weeks after Meditation Club began, I had no resistance when my morning alarm went off. I said, “It’s time to meditate,” and popped right out of bed. The night before, I was dreading getting up early and feeling cranky about it. Then in a moment of Grace, I decided to think about it differently. I changed my thought: “I get to get up and meditate in the morning!” Instantly feeling my body soften, I saw the tremendous power of the mind.
The spare room in my house is overwhelmingly full of stuff. With no available space for anything else, the room is completely non-functional. For years I’ve been avoiding it. During Meditation Club several weeks ago, a Durga Puja at the Ashram was live-streamed to us. Afterward, I walked into my junk room and suddenly decided to deal with it. I cleared out stuff that has been there for years. I was able to throw away things I thought I had gotten rid of. The whole time I was working, it was just easy. It didn’t feel like the massive, awful chore I had been dreading. Now the open room has space for me to move, think and breathe. I keep walking in, sitting, and noticing its very different energy. Even though I can’t yet put words to my internal shifts, I can see the external change in my process with this room. That wouldn’t have happened if something hadn’t changed inside. I’ve been trying to make myself take on this project for years. It reminds me of the mind and vichara. All the stuff churns and comes back again and again — until you finally just let it go and create more space! I guess I just need to keep doing more meditation.