By Sandy (Mukti) Carter, interviewed by Margie (Maitreyi) Wilsman

In February 2020, feeling emotionally depleted, Mukti enrolled in the last in-person Healing Retreat before Covid lockdown.  She had no idea about what to expect from the retreat.  She only knew she needed Guru’s Grace grounding her so she could make some tough life decisions.

Mukti describes, “Through meditation, asana classes, yoga therapy, vichara sessions, and philosophy talks, the Healing Retreat tapped into my Self — Consciousness Itself.  I was able to allow Kundalini to take care of me with her healing work.

“My meditations changed and deepened.  At first my mind was still busy during meditation.  So I got up early to meditate before the program started.  In meditation I became consciously aware of thoughts and the mantra, at a much deeper level.  This experience was a first for me.”

“On the last morning, I experienced the void as velvety darkness, without any sound, just dead silence.  Previously, my experiences of the void were black with a light noisiness.  This time, however, it was like curtains parted, and I went into the void.  The minute I became aware of the usual ringing in my ears, it disappeared.”

“My usual experience of Kundalini is awareness of heat and of that energetic inner column of support called stambha.  This energy arising makes my whole torso lift and feel at ease.  At this retreat I felt more: the vibration of Kundalini, coming up through my body.”

At the end of Healing Retreats, every participant receives home practice, which Gurudevi has individually customized.  For the past eight months, Mukti has done her practice daily.  “It supported my life at home in a big way,” she shares.  “Every day, I felt the practice coming from Grace.  I felt it as a loving action supporting me individually on my spiritual path.”

In the retreat’s vichara sessions (guided self-inquiry), Mukti saw that her pain originates in the mind.  Suffering comes from the mind and is thus self-induced.  She’d done some vichara intermittently years ago.  Now she recognizes that in not continuing with it, she was avoiding vichara.  She did not want to deal with her mind.  So after the retreat she continued doing vichara, enjoying greatly beneficial changes.

Mukti concludes, “There are no words to express the depth of my gratitude for all that Gurudevi provides and does for us as a community and individually.  I will enroll in another Healing Retreat.  If I had the flexibility in my work schedule and resources, I would do every healing retreat that’s offered!”

By Gurudevi Nirmalananda

How are you doing?  How are you feeling?  How are you and who are you?  Yoga is about both, of course.  But when you deepen into your own inner essence, the “how” you are is taken care of automatically by the “who” you are. 

I was sitting in a chair with my laptop on my lap when I was told the election results had been announced. Before I got the news, I was sitting with my laptop on my lap.  After I got the news, I was sitting with my laptop on my lap.  I’m still me, no matter who wins the national election. 

I’m still me when I go to bed.  I’m still me when I get up.  I am who I am, no matter what I am doing or who I am with.  Those activities don’t make me who I am.  Other people don’t make me who I am.  I am me.

You are you.

It’s very simple.  Yet it’s a breakthrough to reach the point that you know who you are, regardless of what’s going on around you.

There’s a beautiful tree right outside of my office window.  Its leaves are almost all down now, with just a few hanging on.  A few weeks ago, it was lush and green.  Does its change make me be a different me?  No.

I had a bagel for breakfast this morning, yum.  Does that make this an extra special morning?  No.  It was fun, but it didn’t improve my mood – because my mood was already good.  Fun is important in life, but it doesn’t make you who you are.  You are you, whether you’re having fun or not.

I was driving when I got a phone call from a family member, offering condolences on the death of my father.  I didn’t know that he’d died.  I had been on an airplane, on my way to visit him, for we knew his time was ending.  Then I jumped into a rental car and got on the road.  I got the phone call while I was driving.

My first thought was, it’s probably not smart for me to be driving right now – I don’t want to hurt anyone else on the road.  So I pulled over.  As I sat there, talking through the information with the dear one who phoned me, I was asking myself, “Am I a different me now that my father has left this earthly plane?”   No.

Is the world different for me?  Yes.

Will I miss him?    Yes, I still do, even though he left years ago.

But I am me, the same me, whether he’s here or not.

The reality is that you’re under pressure right now.  You’re in a process that isn’t over yet.  The process going on in the world isn’t over yet.  And the process you’re going through inside isn’t over yet.  Not until you know the you that you are – the you that is your own Self, that inner essence of being that is Beingness being you. 

You are you, even in a world of change, even with changes transpiring in the outer world, even in the inner world where your thoughts and feelings are constantly changing.  You are you.  That’s what yoga is really about.

This blog was originally published by permission on Philly Area Yoga.

By Jessica Soligon, interviewed by Lori (Priya) Kenney

 “The more you do it, the more you want to do it,” asserts Jessica.  “I got started because, like many people, I found the pandemic to be stressful.”  She is a mother of six and an esthetician, so a lot of people look to her for caretaking.  “I was in a constant and heightened state of anxiety and not sleeping at night.” Fortunately, she’d done some yoga and basic meditation years before.  And even luckier, her aunt, who lives nearby, is a deeply dedicated Svaroopa^® yogi.  Aunt TC, as Jessica calls her, knew what would help. 

At the end of June, Jessica took a Beginners Meditation class with Swami Prajñananda.  Jessica says, “Swami Prajñananda gave an amazing class.  It was very relaxing and came at a very important time.  Things were changing in my life, so my aunt also suggested I do some vichara, guided self-inquiry.  For eight weeks, I did weekly Zoom vichara sessions with Swami P.”

“She is amazing and has been a lifeline to me during this crazy time.  It was hard for me to work through what was going on.  The vichara sessions helped me to understand where I was personally stuck.  Swami gave me the homework of doing five minutes of japa and five minutes of meditation.  After some time, I noticed my anxiety was lower, and I was sleeping better.  Working one-to-one with a swami has been great.”

Besides taking yoga and meditation classes, Jessica has been meditating regularly since September.    “In class, I find it easy to quiet my busy mind and focus on the mantra.  When I mediate on my own, it can be more challenging.  But I always have the sense that I’m doing something good for myself.  It feels good for my mind and my body.  When I open my eyes, I always feel relaxed and in a positive place.  Even though I’m getting up earlier to do my meditation, I feel more energized in my day.”

“What is most noticeable is that I’ve been reacting differently to things coming into my life.  I also notice that when I’m not as consistent with my meditations, my anxiety returns.  For a while, I got up early and listened to Gurudevi’s recording of singing the mantra.  Then I wrote in my gratitude journal.  Now I’m also doing more yoga poses before doing japa and meditation.” 

Asked what keeps her committed to her meditation, Jessica answers, “It keeps my anxiety under control.  It’s so reassuring to have that to depend on.  It’s very reliable.  Even starting out small with the five minutes of meditation made a big difference.  Because of that, it was easy to make a commitment.  The more you do it, the more you want to do it.”  Something unexpectedly wonderful has been happening for Jessica in her yoga and meditation class with Swami Prajñananda.  “This past week or two, I’ve had some new experiences.  I feel my body fall back and forward and then feel like I’m falling asleep.  Just this last week, my head moved forward, and I heard a crack.  Afterwards I could breathe clearly through the left side of my head.  Swami P was very happy to hear this. She explained that I received Shaktipat, Kundalini awakening.  My mind is usually busy, but I was observing my mind.  I’m working with Kundalini by saying the mantra over and over.”  This is just the beginning of Jessica’s unfolding story.

By Gurudevi Nirmalananda

At least this time, it’s familiar.  You’ve felt this panic before, triggered by the same pandemic, only a few months ago.  Here you are again, though this time you have more skills.  I’ve gotten so accustomed to wearing a mask that I sometimes forget to remove it. 

Plus now there is more information about the virus and how to protect ourselves.  While staying home is hard, especially during the year-end holidays, it’s clearly dharma.  In other words, can you do the right thing without having to be panicked?

It would be nice to think that yogis, being healthier overall, have less risk from the virus.  Yet I know yogis who’ve had it, so clearly yoga doesn’t make you immune.  Nobody wants to die, and especially not a painful and inglorious death.  So fear of death plays a part in your pandemic panic.  Perhaps your finances have also been affected, another anxiety trigger.  How many triggers does it take to put you over the edge?  2020 has them in abundance!

The problem is that your edge is too close; you live on the edge of panic too much of the time.  Even when things are good, you’re able to conjure up fears all by yourself.  Yoga improves your health, yes — and yoga makes you more peaceful specifically by reducing your fear level.  In fact, the most important thing yoga gives you is freedom from fear.

This is one of the descriptions of the state of enlightenment, “freedom from fear.”   To live without the internal static of fear disrupting your mental processes is a great freedom.  It also relieves you of the physical effects of fear, which include stress hormones, impaired digestion and breathing, disruption of sleep and the inability to think clearly.  Freedom from fear is a great start on how to live more fully and more freely.

I would describe enlightenment in more fulfilling terms:  “centered clarity and empowerment” and “bliss-based living.”  When you’re centered, based in the bliss of your own inherent essence, there’s no room for fear to intrude.  The day-to-day, even moment-to-moment question is whether you’re blissful and centered enough to handle what’s happening.  And if you’re not, what do you do?  You know the answer to this:  more yoga, of course.

Here’s how it works.  If you’re scared and you try to remove the fear, it’s like trying to scrub dark off the walls of a dark room.  Instead, simply bring in a single candle flame.  Instantly the dark is banished; the fear dissolves away.  Yoga does this for you by bringing in the light of your own being.  Your own inner radiance shines through, not only to inspire others but also to take care of you.

When you’re free from fear, do you become stupid?  Right now you’re using the fear to keep from doing stupid things.  You’re keeping a low profile, taking care of yourself and loved ones.  Good.  You can do these things even when you’re not afraid.  It’s mere intelligence.  You don’t need fear to motivate your dharmic acts.  You can choose to do them because it’s the right thing.  In fact, fear lowers your intelligence.  Being centered, peaceful and blissful actually increases your IQ.  Every athlete knows this.

So what do you do now?  Do more yoga.  We’d love to help!

By Gurudevi Nirmalananda

You have no reason to give thanks unless you receive something that is meaningful to you.  Genuine thanks is a rare experience, unfortunately.  Americans, particularly, are very good at mouthing the words without inflection, “Thank you.”  I’ve heard it called the American mantra.

I remember being taught to say thank you to my elders when I was small, even when they were giving me something I had no interest in.  It felt like I was being trained to lie, except that they also told me I should never lie.  The phrase became meaningless to me; it stayed that way for a long time. 

At one point I even decided to stop saying it.  When a waiter brought food to my table, I didn’t thank him because it was his job, for which he was getting paid as well as getting a tip.  If he did well, I gave a larger tip, which I figured was meaningful to him.  It seemed sensible to me at the time.  But my adolescent children said I came across as rude.  Worse, it was embarrassing them.  So I went back to saying words that I didn’t mean.

I could see that the words acknowledged someone who did something for me, like hold a door open when I was approaching.  But did I feel grateful?  Truly, I have to say no.  I didn’t feel gratitude much.  It turns out that was the real problem.  It wasn’t that the words were so difficult; it was that I wasn’t feeling grateful.

I tried doing the gratitude jar.  I could list things that I knew I was fortunate to have, but did I really feel gratitude?  Instead, my head and heart were full of complaints, along with unrealistic agendas and expectations that fed future complaints, enough to last me a lifetime.  It was a very uncomfortable way to live but I didn’t know another way.

When I got Shaktipat from Baba, everything changed.  There was bliss arising within, from a source I couldn’t find and didn’t understand, but I loved it anyway.  My many complaints began to dissolve, along with my ideas of what everyone else should be doing. 

Better yet, I had an inner sense of purpose.  I was working on something important, even beyond self-improvement.  Eventually I learned it was called Self-discovery, even revelation and realization.  Since I was finding fulfillment within, the outer world wasn’t so frustrating to me.  But still I wasn’t grateful.  Why?  Because I still wasn’t receiving.

I had received Shaktipat, the initiation that opened up the inner realms for me to explore.  Unknowingly, I thought of it as a one-time receiving, like when someone gives you a tissue when you need it.  But Shaktipat opens the floodgates of Grace — it just keeps flowing.  I was living in the flow without recognizing it.  It was only when I went to meet Baba in person that I could see that more was going on, much more than my puny little mind could understand.  It took me three weeks of living in his Ashram to finally get the point — it was all coming from him.

It was a bit shocking at first, that anyone could be so spiritually advanced that they could zap me open.  I could see his depth, power and love, but I didn’t understand that he freely shared it with us.  Once I figured that out, I still didn’t know how to receive, so I asked him to help. “Baba, please help me open myself to you.”  He smiled and nodded, obviously delighted with my question.

It worked!  I got more than I’d ever dreamed possible, with profound meditation experiences and incredible insights blossoming forth within.  And I saw that there was still more for me to receive.  So I’ve been developing my ability to receive ever since.  And my gratitude has grown exponentially.  The more I receive, the more gratitude I feel, both to Baba and more.

My gratitude extends to all of you, that you want to know the profound dimensions within.  My gratitude extends to the sun, to the earth and rain, to all the things I was always supposed to be grateful for.  Only now it’s real.  I’m grateful to my body and mind, that they give me a way to experience the Divine Reality masquerading as this world and everyone in it.  My heart melts in gratitude, which means I get to live in the melting.  It’s the only way to live!

OM svaroopa svasvabhava.h namo nama.h

By Lori (Priya) Kenney

Stranded on a sunny island, able to partake of only one Ashram offering, I’d choose seva.  My seva requires having a computer and being in touch with the Ashram.  I would have my laptop and solar powered batteries, fueled by my faithful companion, El Sol. 

We humans need to act.  I’m quite sure I tried the cave in other lifetimes.  Since I’m here again, I know that didn’t work.  It’s not only my compulsion to “do, do, do,” however, that makes me choose seva.  

Seva is purposeful action directed toward serving Consciousness.  Regardless of the content of my seva, I am serving the Guru.  I do what I’m doing for her and the Ashram.  This focus helps me move toward my goal of making everything I do in service to God/Guru/Self.  When I act from that place, I know tremendous freedom.  I pour my energy and attention into focused action and emerge in the ocean of Consciousness.  No matter my state when I begin, I’m in a better place when I finish.  I am lighter; I’m more my Self.

Thankfully, I’m not limited to only one of the Ashram’s plentiful offerings.  So I also have chosen the priceless offering of the Vowed Order.  Since taking Vratin vows a year ago, I’m aware of undeniable inner steadiness.  The moments of being my Self are continually expanding.  The Vowed Order enabled me to make a more serious commitment to the Guru.  I was devoted to my practices and Gurudevi before taking vows.  Now I know for certain that Gurudevi is my lighthouse.

This commitment and association with like-minded yogis means the most to me.  All are on the path to Self-Realization.  Each reflects the light of Consciousness in a unique way.  Each has a special perspective, a unique wisdom that I learn from.  I am so grateful for the loving support.  I cherish the candor about struggles on the path, the entanglements, frustrations and breakthroughs.  Hearing from these yogis about their spiritual progress and their lives is joyful.  Learning how they are working to merge the two into one beautiful ocean of Consciousness is inspiring.

How I act in the world has changed.  My family notices my increased equilibrium.  This year of Covid and wildfire smoke in the West where I live has been challenging.  Issues in my immediate and extended family have also been taxing.  Even so, I am less reactive.  I am more my Self.  I understand life and the holy process of dying better.  I know my life’s purpose.  I am grateful for the tremendous support of this Vowed Order, headed by Gurudevi with the contributions of our wonderful new swamis and the other vowed members.  It is also a continual reminder and nudge to do the hard stuff.  It keeps me focused on my goal of knowing my Self. 

I benefit from all the Ashram’s offerings.  Yet the online Meditation Club is another highlight.  Rising every day at 3:00 am (Pacific time) to meditate with Gurudevi and other devoted yogis from all over the world is priceless.  Truly, my meditations have deepened, as have I.  This offering is incredible.  Besides chanting and receiving a daily reading from Gurudevi, we’re graced with powerful and mesmerizing pop-up abhisheks.  Periodically, Gurudevi gives a pop-up longer talk.  Saturated with Grace, I sink deeply into the ocean of Consciousness.  Last, but not least, the free Japa Club is a wonderful homecoming.  Along with the Meditation Club, Japa Club gives me the opportunity to Zoom into the Guru’s presence three times a day.  Crashed onto life’s hard rocks, I used to go home to the family farmhouse.  I am so aware how that place is no longer home.  Now it’s the abode of my beloved mother in her final days.  Home is the mantra, the Self, the expansive and limitless ocean of Consciousness.  OM Namah Shivaya.

By Carolyn (Karuna) Beaver

Guru is a word in popular use. We hear about marketing gurus, stock market gurus and political gurus. The basic definition of guru is teacher.  But it doesn’t begin to describe the magnitude of Satguru Swami Nirmalananda, whom we call Gurudevi.

My honored teacher, she is a spiritual role model for me.  I study with her in person and through her massive online library of written materials and audio recordings.  Whether she is teaching in person or online, her wit and wisdom shine through.  She makes the ancient teachings of yoga and meditation accessible and easy to understand.  Her teachings on how to meditate and how to access the deeper dimensions of my Self are so clear.

Her state is clearly elevated.  But does she refrain from “lowly” activities?  Does doing them tarnish her spiritual state?  No.  Gurus are human beings.  They eat, talk, walk, laugh, drive.  And, no, none of the activities of a “normal” life diminish the Guru’s spiritual greatness.

It’s clear that Gurudevi is a human being as well as an enlightened being.  She’s funny — really funny!  She loves to laugh and to eat popcorn in the afternoon.  She sings in the kitchen when making breakfast for other Ashram residents.  She is as grounded as she is elevated.  She is totally present in her body and her mind — her individualized form. She also is totally present as embodied Consciousness — the formless One Reality.  She’s the whole enlightened package!

When she walks into a room, it goes quiet.  I bow my head and bring my hands to my heart in reverence.  I know who and what she is.  She is the Self, the One Self being all.  Her state is tangible.  It’s palpable.  You can feel the energy she emits.

As the Bhagavad Gita describes, my Guru has merged with Consciousness.  A true Guru knows that he or she IS Consciousness-Itself.  Gurudevi is well aware that she IS the capital-S Self — all the time, without forgetting, without interruption.  She knows for a fact, from within, that she is the Self.  She radiates this knowing, seeing it as well in everyone and everything all the time.

Gurudevi says, “The Guru is a mystery, a Divine mystery right in front of your face.  Whether you thought you were looking for a Guru or not, you are already receiving blessings from one.”  The Svaroopa^® yoga and meditation practices are divinely Guru driven.  It’s Gurudevi who sparks the flame that causes the light of Consciousness to arise within you.  Even if you’ve never met her, Gurudevi conveys her blessings to you.  The means is the teachings she gives in her written and audio materials.  The power of the Guru is such that space and time are not obstacles. This is the mystery of the Guru, the Divine mystery right in front of your face! Gurudevi is a spiritual teacher of the highest order.  Whether giving a meditation talk or cooking an Ashram breakfast,  she is embodied Consciousness.  She knows without question, all the time, that she is the One Divine Reality.  This same Divine Reality is being you and me.  We just don’t know this fact all the time.  She does.  The Guru is both the path AND the destination!  For this reason, and for countless others, she is more than my spiritual role model.  She is my honored Guru.

By Lynn (Gurupremananda) Cattafi

Your mind is an amazing instrument.  It is the window through which you perceive the world.  Unfortunately, the world is a little crazy right now.  With the pandemic and the USA political climate, we are experiencing more than our normal share of chaos.  Even in peaceful times, studies have shown that the mind thinks more than 65,000 thoughts per day.  Most are neither beneficial nor uplifting.  They layer your mind with gunk.  With external conditions that can stir your mind to fear, anguish and uncertainty, you may be trying to find some peace and joy amidst it all.

What if you could easily access a blissful, peaceful and clear space inside yourself?  You can!  It’s there, right inside you, closer than your own breath, deeper than your thoughts.  Yoga calls this deeper dimension within, “Self.”  When you use the tools of this meditative tradition to turn your focus inward, you experience your own Self.  You discover that your own Self is the true source of peace, the source of joy and bliss, the source of truth, clarity and all intelligence.  Your own Self is Consciousness-Itself.

The ancient sage Patanjali described the relationship between the mind and the Self in a single aphorism:

tadaa drashtu svaroope vasthanam.— Yoga Sutras 1.3

In the moment your mind becomes still, you experience the bliss of your own being.— rendered by Swami Nirmalananda

I find it helpful to know that people in India, even thousands of years ago, also had difficulty quieting their minds.  While they didn’t have TV, Internet and smart phones, they had families and work in the world.  The world also experienced plagues and political unrest as well as racial and religious wars.  Yet committed yogis still got enlightened.  How?

They imbibed the sacred teachings of the already enlightened masters.  Through the ages, these teachings were handed down from Master to disciple.  Then the disciple became a Master and passed the teachings to the next generation.  These teachings give the time-tested technique for stilling the mind in meditation — mantra.  The instructions for using mantra are simple: repeat it, over and over and over.  You can do it silently inside, out loud, or even chant it!  Gurudevi Nirmalananda says you should repeat mantra during two time periods:  when you are meditating and when you are not meditating.  

Without an empowered mantra to focus on, your mind’s busyness conceals your inherent peace and inner light.  It’s similar to when clouds hide the sun.  Repeating mantra shifts your focus, from outer things to your own radiant Self within.  Your Self is deeper than your mind.  Miraculously, by repeating mantra, you use your amazing mind to access inner bliss.  Mantra washes the gunk off your inner window, so you can see clearly through it.  You see your own Self, and you learn to live from that deeper dimension.  Then you see the world clearly.  You aren’t rattled when problems arise.  You step up to apply your intelligence and efforts to solutions.  You see that everyone and everything is made of the same Divine essence as your own Self.  In this state, peace, bliss and clarity are always arising from within.  Your mind no longer harasses you.  Your relationships become filled with joy, the joy filling you from within.  You shine your light into the world.  All this results from mantra meditation, which quiets your mind so you can go beyond it.  Your destination is inside.

By Gurudevi Nirmalananda

Right now, life isn’t exactly what you had in mind.  Fortunately your mind is quite creative.  You have the whole of the creative power of consciousness intact within you.  Once you assess and understand the external realities, you’re capable of coming up with new ways of doing things, even new things to do.  You know how to make lemons out of lemonade, especially because you’re a yogi.

That’s the point of doing yoga, to awaken your hidden capacities.  Along with improved physical condition, your mind is clearer and your heart is more open.  Better yet, the more yoga you do, the higher you register on the happiness scale.  Your creativity expresses itself in paper and pen handiworks or online contributions as well as in baking and décor.  It also makes you good at problem solving.  A yogi can do anything.  It’s because yoga is a warrior tradition. 

You might have thought that the ancient sages left the world and secluded themselves in the woods and mountain caves.  So you take a time out, even hide in your little corner of the world and wait it out – another year or so.  That’s one way of handling all of this.  But it’s not yogic. 

Yoga is a warrior tradition.  Think of it this way, if all the yogis hide out during times of turmoil and danger, where are the peacemakers and healers who can truly change the world? You’re not a wimp.  Your yoga makes you capable of more than ever before.  It’s time to meet the world where it’s at.  Put your heart into it — make a difference in the world.  What should you do?  You decide!  You get to choose what direction to go, but it’s time to get moving.  My Guru told us, “It’s easier to steer you than to push you.”

By Joanne (Jayeshwaree) Kirk, interviewed by Lori (Priya) Kenney

“With the isolation in place, I had more time to do yoga practices,” describes Joanne (Jayeshwaree) Kirk.  “I did Swami Sundays and Japa Club, in addition to my usual seva, asana and meditation.  The seclusion has been a beautiful place.”  For myself, as for Jayeshwaree, the pandemic has been a wonderful time for more yoga practices.  Life’s slower pace has been incredibly blissful.  I’ve loved the new normal and the depth I’ve reached in such a short time.

However, anticipating a return to the previous “normal” can bring up feelings and fears, as Jayeshwaree acknowledges: “Four weeks later, there was talk about opening things up again here in Calgary.  That triggered my fear.  But it wasn’t fear of COVID.  I was afraid that getting busier would mean I wouldn’t have time to do as much yoga.  My mind went into overdrive and fear snowballed.  I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to maintain the progress I’d made and would lose what I had.  I started thinking about returning to some of the relationships that haven’t been easy.  Was I going back to my old self?  What if I go backwards?  My mind went off on a negative spin until I lost everything I had gained.  Everything I learned and knew about yoga was gone.  My fears came true!

“When I felt that overwhelming fear,” Jayeshwaree shares, “I didn’t know what to do.  Except I did know.  I’ve developed habits and a lifestyle of yoga practices.  Without thinking about it, I used those tools.  I made a decision to table my fears and get my mind out of the way. If I thought about it, I would think, ‘This doesn’t work.’  I didn’t even think, ‘Yoga’s going to make me feel better,’ even though it did.  I just decided, ‘I’m going to keep doing the practices.’

“The fear started going away and I began to experience my Self again.  With that came a knowing that my Self wasn’t ever going to go away.  That knowing was the knowing beyond the mind that Gurudevi talks about.  Gurudevi is wonderful!  At a Swami Sunday, I heard Gurudevi say, ‘Even when you don’t see or feel the Self, it is still there.  The knowledge is deep enough to stay.’  Even if I don’t see or feel the Self, it’s there.  ‘It’s deep enough to stay.’  

“Then I started wondering, ‘How do I bring that Knowingness back into my life?’  I was trying to use my mind to know that there was a path back.  Now I know that it’s not my mind that is showing me the path and the Knowingness.  The path back to our life from the Knowingness isn’t something we can think through.  It just happens.  This tantric spirituality is teaching us how to bring our Self into our lives.”

Jayeshwaree is grateful for this experience.  Now she knows:  “Don’t fight with your mind.  The things in your mind are just there.  Just apply your mind to mantra.  It works.”

She concludes, “As life has gotten busier, my mind hasn’t gotten busier.  I’m back in relationships that were challenging, but I’m not getting as caught up in them as I did.  The early stage of the pandemic showed me that I had a fear of not being able to maintain living in the Self.  I’ve learned to accept Grace from Gurudevi and to trust the power of the mantra.  I’m learning to understand it and to live more in the Self.  And when I don’t, I don’t get so worried that I won’t get it back.  By not getting as upset or perturbed when I lose the Self, I’m not losing the Self as often.  I am absolutely trusting in Guru’s Grace.  When I’m not in Self, I remember Grace and that it will always be there.  It certainly makes me feel much better, and it brings on the Grace.  By accepting it, the Grace flows even more.”

When Jayeshwaree thinks about the future now, she embraces it.