By Agnes (Aikya) Hetherington 

I decided to immerse myself in the free library of Gurudevi’s Satsang discourses.  An important family dharma (responsibility) had pulled me away from my yoga practices for some months.  Now it was time to dive back in. 

This practice became quite challenging.  The more I listened, the more my “stuff” got churned up.  The journal became an account of the struggle between my “self” and my “Self.”  My feeling of being in the middle of a tug of war increased.  The contest seemed to be Shiva/Guru/Self versus Family/Friends/Worldly Pursuits.  Listening to Gurudevi’s discourses, I was relieved to hear descriptions of her own periods of doubt while at Baba’s Ashram.  Even better was the revelation of how simply Baba resolved those doubts, again and again (May 31, 2020: Today Is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life). 

I began listening to Gurudevi’s discourses dating back to the beginning of pandemic lockdown.  It became natural to meditate and journal after each listening session.  Sometimes, I passed in and had to re-listen.  Other times, the message felt so personal I had to re-listen and take copious notes. 

Fortunately, as a sevite (Ashram volunteer) I am wonderfully supported by the Svaroopa^® Vidya Ashram community.  Conversations with more experienced yogis brought me great comfort and insight.  I was reminded that the churning is Kundalini clearing old mind habits for me.  It’s not about leaving the world, but simply noticing who I “be” while in it.  Can I cultivate the ability to act in the world without being needy about outcomes?  The solution, of course, is to collaborate with Kundalini by “doing more yoga.”  I have doubled up on daily Ujjayi and added more online asana classes to my week. 

We are each on our individual journey towards Enlightenment.  Sometimes the road gets bumpier for a while.  At these times the Podbean platform with Gurudevi’s teachings is an invaluable source of wisdom.  The Podbean platform is a great resource for finding years’ worth of audio-recorded discourses.  They are listed by date, and have a brief written description of the subject matter.  In my journal, I noted the date of each.  Now I can re-listen to those that especially resonate with me.  Getting the Podbean app lets you follow the Podcast.  It’s great to be notified when a new discourse is posted. 

As Svaroopis we are blessed to have a living Master to follow.  She gives us the free gifts of her experience to guide the way.