By Maryanne (Murti) Leagans

My growing up years were filled with significant abuse and trauma. This set me up to lack conflict resolution skills. I completely mistrusted authority figures. Later, I struggled in relationships because I inherently found it difficult to trust anyone. 

In my twenties, I began a decades-long process of working with various talk therapists. I was always seeking “the one” who could give me answers. I sought relief from the darkness that filled my mind and heart. Stronger and stronger doses of antidepressants became the crutch that kept me functional. 

And I was highly functional. I held down jobs, excelling in performance, though I changed them frequently. Without conflict resolution skills and trust in authority, my employment in any organization was one to three years.

Fast forward to September 2025. Chelsea (Rajñi) King, who teaches Svaroopa^® Vidya Meditation, posted an invitation on Facebook for her three-class introductory series. As soon as I read her post, I signed up. With Rajni’s gentle teaching style and encouragement, I began meditating for 20 minutes each morning.

Later in the course, she introduced us to the Ashram website. I thought I had struck gold! I took one of Gurudevi’s free online meditation classes.

Later I joined her daily online Meditation Club. By then, I was meditating an hour each morning as well as slowly increasing my at-home yoga.

It was clear to me that meditation was rewiring my brain. My emotions and reactions to things were changing.

I questioned whether I still needed antidepressants. Working with my doctor, I set up a plan to slowly decrease the amounts over a four-month period, beginning December 1, 2025. It took only three months! Simultaneously, I had already begun taking various Ashram offerings.

In mid-January, I attended Swami Sunday in person for the first time. By then, I was down to 50% of my dose without any negative side effects. At the end of January, Gurudevi’s Shaktipat Retreat powerfully boosted my engagement in our Ashram’s full-spectrum yogic practices.

Several Enlightenment Studies series, the Guided Meditation course, a weekly Svaroopa^® yoga class and Embodyment^® Yoga Therapy sessions produced significant changes. I also attended Gurudevi’s satsangs regularly and took advantage of the Shishya Vichara Club. My intention was to stack everything that I had control over — in my favor.

For more than fifty years, I had believed that antidepressants were keeping my brain in “safe” mode. Although seeing my dosage decrease was scary, I was supported in my process by Grace.

Flowing from Svaroopa^® practices, Grace opened me to feeling joy, love and compassion when interacting with fellow yogis. This kept me steady in my resolution to end my drug dependency. By the end of February, I had accomplished that.

Gurudevi ceaselessly invites us to “Do more yoga.” I did it and it works!

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